Wordless Wednesday

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4th of July Weekend

On Saturday, Mark invited a few friends over for a barbecue. For the first time, he tried slow-cooking ribs and they turned out exactly like they should if you ordered them at a restaurant! He also cooked southwest chicken skewers to perfection and they were oh-so-tasty. I neglected to take any pictures of that food, sadly. I did get a picture of Mark’s red-white-and-blueberry salad pictured at the top of this entry.

We did a lot of playing outside, which the kids loved. The water table was a huge success! Several times, Emme (the cute little redhead) tried to climb into the water table, which only gave Elias ideas the following day when he attempted to do that as well. Luckily, he didn’t actually climb on top of it!

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Starlight, Starbright

On Friday night, Mark had to cover a night shift and work from 7pm to 7am. As such, it was difficult for me to get to sleep. I wanted to stay up with him partly to make sure he was okay and partly because I didn’t want to climb into an empty bed. I stayed up until 4am which is not advisable when you’re 31 and have absolutely no reason to be missing that much sleep (like a baby or emergency).

At one point, I got up and took a look out in the backyard and saw the most beautiful moonlit sky. Clouds were passing in front of the moon and without the excuse of the husband or kids I knew I had to break out the tripod and go outside to shoot. I had never before attempted long exposure night shots, so I was super excited to be doing something new with my photography for a change.

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My Broken Heart Can’t Shoot

It’s over half a year into project 365 and I can’t believe I’m still going! Okay, to be fair, I missed about two months right before, during and after our move to Texas in March. I had intended to keep up with the project during that time, but Mark left Georgia three weeks before we did and I was heartbroken without him. We’d been together for ten years and not apart more than a week during all that time. It was depressing to be in my home, seeing my kids not be able to hug him or smile at him. Not being able to see him interact with them. I wasn’t expecting to miss that. I knew I would miss Mark and I knew Mark would miss the kids. I had no idea I would get into such a funk because I couldn’t see them together.

I’d taken photos every day faithfully up to and including the day he left. It’s not surprising my only photo on our last day together was of food. I made the four of us French Toast Waffles in the morning (which are the exact same thing as regular french toast, but pressed in a waffle maker). It turned out a bit hard because the bread I used was too thin.

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Happy (Belated) Birthday Noah!

It seems like just yesterday I was going into labor with Noah!

During the past year, I’ve done a lot of processing of my failed homebirth. Though I do not blame her for my repeat c-section in the slightest, I will be forever perplexed by the way I was treated by my midwife during the last week of my pregnancy and after Noah was born.

If you’re interested, here are some older entries discussing my labor, birth and the midwife:

• Abbreviated Birth Story (Not so brief.)
• Memories of labor and birth. (Warning: This entry contains c-section pictures.)
• The tale of my midwife abandoning me and refusing to see me after Noah’s birth.
• My midwife sending me a text message to tell me she thought I’d give up on breastfeeding. As a side note, you may want to read the summary on my chronic low supply issues first to fully understand why this pissed me off so much.
• Reaching out to the homebirth midwife again to visit after Noah’s birth
• The midwife’s assistant contact me a month after Noah’s birth.

It turned out that the midwife lied to the assistant and told her that we specifically refused to see her when she offered and that I should have made an appointment to see her at her home “like any other client”. (It’s always great to be referred to as the person bringing in the money instead of just a person.) I had no idea that asking her verbally several times to come over didn’t count. I have no clue why things got so FUBARed with the midwife. She had 16 years experience and came highly recommended. Needless to say, the experience left a really sour taste in my mouth. I truly feel like I can trust absolutely no one in labor except myself and my husband.

If I’m ever pregnant again I will plan a hospital VBA2C with a doula and wait until the last second to go in. Mark and I are fairly sure we want to try for another, but hopefully it will be several years down the line and only after I get in shape. I have absolutely no problem with homebirth and I may look into it, but I feel my money would be better spent on a doula.

Let’s move past birth memories though and get into an update on Noah!

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