It seems like just yesterday I was going into labor with Boa!
During the past year, I’ve done a lot of processing of my failed homebirth. Though I do not blame her for my repeat c-section in the slightest, I will be forever perplexed by the way I was treated by my midwife during the last week of my pregnancy and after Boa was born.
If you’re interested, here are some older entries discussing my labor, birth and the midwife:
- Abbreviated Birth Story (Not so brief.)
- Memories of labor and birth. (Warning: This entry contains c-section pictures.)
- The tale of my midwife abandoning me and refusing to see me after Boa’s birth.
- My midwife sending me a text message to tell me she thought I’d give up on breastfeeding. As a side note, you may want to read the summary on my chronic low supply issues first to fully understand why this pissed me off so much.
- Reaching out to the homebirth midwife again to visit after Boa’s birth
- The midwife’s assistant contact me a month after Boa’s birth.
It turned out that the midwife lied to the assistant and told her that we specifically refused to see her when she offered and that I should have made an appointment to see her at her home “like any other client”. (It’s always great to be referred to as the person bringing in the money instead of just a person.) I had no idea that asking her verbally several times to come over didn’t count. I have no clue why things got so FUBARed with the midwife. She had 16 years experience and came highly recommended. Needless to say, the experience left a really sour taste in my mouth. I truly feel like I can trust absolutely no one in labor except myself and my husband.
If I’m ever pregnant again I will plan a hospital VBA2C with a doula and wait until the last second to go in. Mark and I are fairly sure we want to try for another, but hopefully it will be several years down the line and only after I get in shape. I have absolutely no problem with homebirth and I may look into it, but I feel my money would be better spent on a doula.
Let’s move past birth memories though and get into an update on Boa!
Boa sleeps all through the night like a miracle. I didn’t think it was possible, but he’s actually a much better sleeper than Mr. Serious. I have no idea why he’s such a good sleeper, but I’m sure there’s little we did to cause it.
He actually fell asleep on his own when I put him down for a nap the other day. He was being a big cranky butt and didn’t want to go to sleep in my arms. I’d had it up to my forehead with him, so I just laid him down in the pack and play. The first time, he threw his glow worm and pacifier out of the pack and play and screamed like a banshee. So I went into the bedroom to “reset” him and after that, I didn’t hear another peep out of him for a couple hours. A miracle!
I have no idea how long or heavy he is since we haven’t been to the doctor since his 6 month check-up. (Boa has no insurance at the moment because the effing state of Georgia will not send me his birth certificate and that was needed to get him set up on Mark’s insurance. We also can’t get his SS# without his birth certificate so our taxes are on extension too…. I hate that effing state.) He is GIGANTIC though.
He’s a master at pulling up now and has been cruising. Recently, he’s started pushing toys around while standing up. If I had to guess, I think walking is at least a month or two away. We’ve had him on whole milk since right before he turned 11 months old (I was getting really tired of supporting the formula companies and I was sure he’d do well on whole milk and he has.) He usually eats 3 square meals a day plus snacks. Very soon we’re going to switch him to sippy cups only, no more bottles. (To each their own, of course, but I don’t really understand why some people continue giving their babies bottles through 2 years and beyond.)
I’m still nursing him, though not every day and mostly for comfort. I’m still producing milk, but I’m not sure how much. I stopped pumping when we moved here and shortly after that our friends had twins so we lent our pump to them. I’m really happy to still be nursing him at a year old though, even if it’s not daily! I stopped nursing Mr. Serious at 5 months when my milk had completely dried up since I wasn’t able to pump while at work.
Boa has been extremely vocal lately! He isn’t saying any words yet, but he yells to express himself. He is so loud and sometimes Mr. Serious gets so annoyed by the yelling that he scolds Boa and tells him to be quiet.
He has so much personality and is learning new things daily. I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us, but I really hope it doesn’t go by as quickly!
What a beautiful babe. I want to acknowledge your pain around experiencing substandard midwifery care in that most vulnerable place, your home. Homebirth can only be as good as the practitioners who support women and speaking out about less than optimal experiences can be difficult. I honour your journey, I wish you healing and peace. I hope that when your next babe is on the way that you will find a way to have the nurturing birth you both deserve with people who support you lovingly. And I hope it’s a homebirth too, just quietly.
There’s a big world out there of ways to birth at home and the only cast member that matters is you, mama. Whoever you want there, or don’t want there, your choice. The bond with your dh sounds beautiful and a birth with his love might be just gorgeous, hey?
I’ve been in a similar position to you with some shoddy midwives and I thank you for speaking your truth and offering the world transparency around this model of care. Homebirth is how normal birth happens but we can’t be complacent and make out it’s perfect. It certainly isn’t.
Love and healing to you, your beautiful babe looks like such a gift.
Janet in Australia
Twitter: @PhotoLynda
Janet, thank you so much for visiting my site and leaving such a thoughtful, inspiring comment. I would love for my next birth to be at home. We just moved to the state of Texas and I’m not sure how that state views homebirth.
In Georgia, I had to get an underground midwife since the state doesn’t legally recognize professional midwives at all. I am absolutely not going that route ever again. I only had one choice of homebirth midwife and I thought with her experience she’d be great, but she totally spaced out at the end. There weren’t but 5 or 6 choices to begin with and no one else would even touch me as a VBAC with pregnancies so close together.
In the end, I wasted $2600 on her. I had free shadow care with my Kaiser practice, so I didn’t need her for prenatal care at all. She was barely present during the birth and offered absolutely nothing to me in terms of encouragement or advice. I could have labored alone for three days and just gone into the hospital at the end without needing to shell out over two thousand dollars to her.
I think you’re really courageous and inspiring with how much you share on here. I am sure many women who read your story leave changed for the better. Better informed, encouraged, etc.
I have to say, that the lengths you’ve gone to prevent C-sections and continue to breastfeed are amazing and inspiring. I hope amidst all the other emotions that come with your births and such that you do feel at least some pride in the lengths you went to in order to give your children the best.
I’m proud to know you!
Twitter: @PhotoLynda
Thank you so much, Emily.
Happy birthday, Boa! Congrats on the nursing!
Twitter: @PhotoLynda
Thanks.
Twitter: @goodgoogs
Happy Birthday, Boa!! Beautiful photo of him!
I was woefully uninformed with my first pregnancy which I’m pretty sure led to my c-section. That and a hospital with a 50% c-section rate!
You did an amazing job with your birth (particularly given the highly unhelpful midwife). My mother was in a similar position with her first baby who died in childbirth – as hard as it is sometimes a c-section is the best way to go.