I feel pretty awful about my supply.

When we got to Texas, I had been nursing with the SNS at every feeding except for overnight (because he’s usually nursing pretty much nonstop overnight to begin with and the SNS is hard enough to deal with during the day). I had been on the domperidone for a week and I really felt full of milk.

With the stress of the holidays and being in someone else’s home, I stopped using the SNS and I was not adamant about nursing him first before every bottle. I also wasn’t very good about taking the domperidone. I just feel stupid about this. I should have done it. I should have always made an excuse to do it. At first I would leak like crazy if I missed a feeding. I could squirt milk everywhere. By the end of the week, it was like my supply dropped back down to what it was.

So now I’m back at home, back at work and I feel like I’m right back at square one again. I’m still making milk, but it doesn’t feel like as much as before. I felt like I was so close to getting at least a bit of a supply and I let it slip through my fingers. Stupid, stupid Lynda. Seriously, this is the dumbest thing I’ve done regarding breastfeeding and I’m not sure how I can forgive myself.

My plan is to go back on the domperidone – 3 pills 3 times a day. I will try nursing with the SNS any time I am at home with Elias (or at the very least, will nurse him before bottles). Once I get access to our Mother’s Room here at work I’m going to try pumping every three hours at least. I might try to see if I can sneak away every two hours and pump – it theoretically shouldn’t be hard since the rooms have network access and I have a work laptop I can use. If I can find time, I may also try pumping after feedings when I’m at home. Since I don’t have access to the mother’s room yet, I’ve been hand expressing in the bathroom, but I haven’t saved any of that milk, nor do I know how much of it there is.

I really hope I can get my supply back up to at least what it was when we got to Texas, but I’m kind of doubting that will happen. I wish there was a reliable way to measure how much breastmilk Elias is getting every day, but there isn’t. It would be really nice to cut back on the amount of formula he’s getting once he starts solid foods, though I still think nursing him exclusively at any point in his first year is a pipe dream.

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