I’ve tried NaNoWriMo before only to fail. I am destined to fail at more or less anything which requires follow through. The only “hobby” I’ve ever been able to keep up with is online writing. Therefore, I’m committing myself to writing here every day in November. I’d really like to go through with Holidailies this year too, so that’s a post a day until the end of the year!

I doubt anything I write will be quality. Quality is a separate goal from quantity.

Anywhoodle…

I am feeling a lot better today than I did yesterday. Maybe yesterday I just had a case of the Mondays. I’ve felt this horrible depression every winter for the past few years and I find myself dreading this time of year. The first year it hit right after we were married. I thought for sure that I was depressed about the marriage and maybe second guessing it. As soon as we got back to Georgia we had to begin moving out of my old apartment and into our new apartment. I couldn’t cope with this and don’t remember much of what happened during this time. Mark probably moved 90% of our stuff without any of my help, without any complaining to boot. I am eternally grateful for that.

I didn’t start thinking it could be SAD until the following year when it happened again.

I am not a depressed person and never have been. I think everyone goes through funks and I certainly experience days or strings of days where everything seems spoiled and rotten, but I think that’s the normal flow of life. In general, I like myself and I’m satisfied by my life. This thing that hits me in the winter feels like something sucks out my soul. I have no desire to get up in the morning. Nothing is fun. The simple act of living becomes painful and intolerable. It scares me and I don’t want to go through it again. It’s crazy what a deficiency of sunlight will do to a person.

For all I know, it’s not going to hit me this year. Maybe these past few years the condition was aggravated by my weight. Or maybe it had something to do with my work schedule. I have no real way of knowing. Mark makes fun of the fact that I diagnose myself with ailments such as this, but I’m too afraid of being laughed out of the room by a doctor to go see any of those nutjobs about it.

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